I recently saw firsthand what an airliner would look like if my crew of childhood friends who make up the About Men Radio posse were running it.
The instant I laid eyes on the baggage check-in of WOW Air (a name I swear I am in no way making up), I saw flash before me the cast of my friends.
Let us just say the personnel were a diverse and motley lot.
The high polish, smart grooming and aura of “come fly with me” projected by a Virgin American or British Airways crew was absent.
In its place were younger people in uniform who almost looked liked they were playing “airline” the way the guys and I use to play cops and robbers or “house” as kids.
I have no doubt these are hard-working professionals who do their utmost to serve the public.
But it inspired me.
If this ragtag band could run something called WOW Air, then what was stopping the members of About Men Radio?
With that in mind, let me introduce “My Guys Airlines.”
Our slogan? “You really didn’t want to get there, did you?”
Let me introduce you to the MGA team because the conceit of every modern company — whether in air travel or working in McDonald’s — is everybody has a “team.”
Our pilot: Pedro “El Kaiser” Rosado. Pedro knows nothing of flying (apart from paper airplanes and telling people he does not give a “flying” fuck — which raises a peculiar question about why or how fucks could fly).
But here is the thing about Pedro. If you have ever seen him in the regalia of his alter ego, El Kaiser, you know he looks damn sharp in a uniform.
So we are going to slap him in a pilot’s uniform (yes, even with pants!), a cap and those little wing pins and I promise he will project an air of authority that will have you convinced he COULD fly an airplane.
John aka Father John O’Connell will be our lead mechanic and tinkerer in chief. He will also be in charge of giving kids a ride on the luggage tracker trains on the tarmac.
Richard “Super Dad” Rodriguez will be our point person for food and beverages. Actually just beverages. Well, actually, just booze. OK, to be more specific, beer.
And maybe Jagermeister.
Yeah, come to think of it, we will not have food at all.
Look, if you wanted to avoid being hungry on our flights, you should have eaten before we took off. Sheesh!
Silvio “Coach Silvio” La Frossia will be in charge of advertising and security, or as we like to call it, Promotion and Patdowns.
And me? I will be in charge of in-flight entertainment, which will consist of mostly telling hoary Catskills-era jokes and bad puns.
So buckle up, put your seat and tray in their upright positions and take a bus.