Being an old married man means defining yourself as a husband and partner to something greater than yourself…your marriage. Once that ends, for many men and for me, that part of your identity is gone and it takes time to reset your brain and life back to being single and seeing all the great things you are by yourself. My advice is to allow for that time, heal, address your issues, discover you again and what you are capable of. At 50, you have an awful lot to offer someone. Your confidence will increase as you accept this and makes you more attractive to others.
I’ve been fortunate to have had very good experiences on my dates. Maybe it’s my approach. If I like you, at the end of our date I give you a hug with permission and a coupon for a free Honey Baked Ham. The mystery of who I am combined with how they spiral those cuts in the ham is overwhelming for some women. My second first, first date (the first, first date cancelled you will remember) was with a very sweet woman and we had a great time talking and hanging out together. We are still good friends. I’ve dated outside my race, religion and culture and find myself continuing that trend believing that variety is indeed, the spice of life.
Want some advice if you are recently single? It applies to any age. Develop YOU first. You’ll like yourself better and it’ll show when you date. If you have no career, develop one and be self-sufficient. If you have kids, be present to them, pay your support on time, make them a priority and be civil to your ex at minimum. Take care of yourself. Eat, exercise, update your wardrobe, see the damn dentist. Get a hobby, hang out in group activities, reconnect with single friends. Practice date. Yes, practice on a date. Be yourself and don’t bullshit. Be confident enough to know you are trying on each other like new shoes. If things don’t work out, move on. Be a gentleman and say thank you. Say goodbye. Wish her well. If she’s interested, ask her if she hugs on a first date. You’ll be better able to really mean that hello for the next time you’ll be meeting. Be thankful you are out there meeting people and finding yourself again like I am.
There’s a great saying attributed to the actor, Will Smith…
“Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing, and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to you. And stay”.
May your path know great challenge and great success. For it is in this dance of life, that we find ourselves and our happiness.
Now, go get ‘em, stud.