Tag Archives: Donald Trump

Full Report

Say what you want about the Brexit vote and about Donald Trump (and let’s face it, there’s a lot to say about both) but the most important development to arise from the intersection of these two newsmakers was the hilariously inventive invective streamed at Trump during his post-Brexit visit to Scotland.

A quick refresher:

British voters decided in a referendum that they were going to quit the European Union, a decision that deeply divided Britain along political, economic and demographic lines.

The day after the vote, Trump visited a golf course he owns in Scotland and offered this on Twitter:

“Just arrived in Scotland. Place is going wild over the vote. They took their country back, just like we will take America back. No games!”

Just one problem: Scotland voted overwhelmingly to REMAIN with the EU.

And thus it began on Twitter: The most brilliant insults the likes of which the world has not seen since the Insulting Frenchman on “Monty Python and the Holy Grail.” (Recall: “Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!”)

Some of these are so superb that I am going to have to incorporate them into my daily swearing vocabulary:

Twitter users referred to Trump as a “mangled apricot hellbeast”; a “weapons-grade plum”; “clueless numpty” and “bloviating flesh bag.”

Then of course, are those super-excellent ones that are the nuclear option for when you really want to call someone out, such as:

And..

But what this underscores to me is something I have long suspected, that is, anything the British, Scottish or Irish say sounds so much smarter and better than Americans.

In fairness, the Brits do have William Shakespeare on their side and he was known to toss off a good insult or two.

Consider: “lump of foul deformity”; “a fusty nut with no kernel” and “beetle-headed, flap-ear’d knave.”

I mean c’mon. The best I could do in matching wits with someone like that would be to go: “Oh yeah?! Well, you’re mother dresses you funny.”

It just doesn’t have the same panache.

But this also reminds me that the Brits, Scots and Irish almost speak the same language as we do.

I have a dear friend who is from Ireland and when we first started to work together she would drop phrases that I often had to ask her to interpret, such as “a month of Sundays,” a “bull’s look” and “wouldn’t touch that with a barge pole.”

My wife, Meg, lived in England for 10 years and often sprinkles Britishisms into conversation that give me pause, such as referring to the car’s “windscreen” or “bonnet” or traveling to “collect” someone.

Meg’s dad was Scottish. A few years ago we met four of her Scottish cousins who came to New York City for a visit. We spent a summer Sunday afternoon exploring Manhattan.

We had a great time. But with their thick burrs, I understood about 40 percent of what they said.

No matter.

After the way the Scots told off Donald Trump and after Brexit, I’m proposing a referendum to make Scotland our 51st state.

 

A Visit to the Penis Museum

There has not been this much news coverage and public conversation about penises since Anthony Weiner’s campaign for New York City mayor flamed out over some too-revealing selfies.

Donald Trump’s allusion to his manhood — in no less a setting than a Republican presidential debate — and Hulk Hogan’s recently concluded trial against Gawker (“Hulk Hogan lied about his penis size”) propelled penises into people’s living rooms and into water cooler chatter.

So I feel it is my current-events duty to tell you about our visit to what is billed as the world’s only penis museum.

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I say “our” because my wife and I visited.

During our honeymoon.

Yeah, I know, I’m just a hopeless romantic.

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My wife Meg checking out the goods.

Here’s the background:

About 30 miles from the Arctic Circle in the fishing village of Húsavik (population 2,200) is the Icelandic Phallological Museum.

It is housed in a non-descript two-story building. There is no hint about what is inside except for perhaps the giant wooden phallus standing sentry outside.

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The museum has a collection of more than 200 penises and “penile parts” (ouch!) that belonged to almost all of the land and sea mammals found on Iceland.

Among those on display are ones from a polar bear, seals, walrus and 17 different kinds of whales.

I’ve got to say that I’ve never given much thought to the male anatomy of mammals but this was truly eye-opening.

And let’s just say that some mammals are quite, um, gifted.

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Sure, the museum is a bit of gimmick (I’ll leave it to your imagination about the souvenirs on sale) but still, it was genuinely informative and certainly unique.

Years after our visit there in 2010, I heard of a documentary called “The Final Member” about the museum curator’s quest for a donation from a homo sapien.

The movie took some peculiar turns.

For instance, there were two donors vying for bragging rights to be the first to have their member enshrined in the museum, including an American who named his “Elmo.”

The other donor was a 90-plus-year-old Icelandic man who went so far as to have a mold made of his privates.

Let’s just say that was painful to watch.

The museum’s curator, a guy named Sigurour “Siggi” Hjartarson, had two requirements for the donation of a human specimen: A legal document (letter of donation) signed by three witnesses, and proof that the penis was of “legal length” — at least 5 inches.

He based the minimum length requirement on an Icelandic folk tale called “A Legal Length,” in which a woman requested a divorce from her husband because his penis was less than 5 inches long.

The documentary does, unfortunately, perpetuate a myth of masculinity that links the length of a guy’s member with his character and standing in society.

To which I say, don’t confuse the measure of a man with the size of his penis: A leading presidential candidate is proof of that.

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What Is Wrong With This Picture?

What is wrong with this picture?

As far as I can tell, nothing.

But try telling that to some of the trolls who came out and criticized the photo — specifically how actor Michael B. Jordan and director Ryan Coogler were posed.

According to mic.com, the photo, which appeared in Vanity Fair, prompted comments like these:

“What kind of pose is this?”

“I was wondering about his hand on dudes head…what’s that  about?”

“The demasculation continues. I hate this pic!!”

In this podcast, we discuss how we are mystified at comments like these and talk about the odd reactions people seem to have when men display any kind of affection for each other.

Also, in what we’re billing as a “Current Events” show, Pedro rants about the darkness of Twitter.

Lastly, because the presidential campaign season is in full schwing, we naturally talk about penises.

Give the show a listen.

It might not change your life, but it will certainly give you something to think about.

Or it will scar you.

But how will you know if you don’t listen?

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