Tag Archives: Fifty Shades of Grey

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​As my wife and I sat in the movie theater waiting for “http://recrur.com/” to begin, she squeezed my hand and said:

“Are you excited?”

“I’m going to be open-minded,” I replied.

“Careful,” she teased, “or your brains might fall out.”

If only they had. Then my head would have been as vacuous as this movie.

To be clear, I am no prude when it comes to sex or nudity.

As part of a misspent youth, I visited many theaters worthy of the trench-coat crowd and have seen some pretty far-out stuff, sexually speaking.

What goes on between two consenting adults? Get your freak on, folks.

Clown make-up, scuba suits, dripping candle wax: Whatever curls your toes, have at it.

But this movie did almost the impossible: It made sex scenes that were antiseptic, turgid and utterly lacking in heat.

In sum, it made for boring boning.

Christian Grey makes Anastasia Steele go through what amounts to some kinky “Simon Says” exercises. (The difference being that when she failed to follow the specific instructions, she got spanked.)

But there was zero spark or chemistry between the lead characters. It was like they were acting in two different movies, each shot separately against a blue screen and then spliced together.

My problems with the movie ranged from irritation (ridiculous over-the-top product placements for Apple) to disbelief (Anastasia is a modern-day college senior and she is using a flip-phone, plus she’s a virgin?) to exasperating (she is supposed to be falling in love with this creepy borderline stalker-abuser but she seems mostly uncomfortable in his company).

But most of all, I found “Fifty” demeaning to women to the point that it made my blood boil.

Anastasia is on the cusp of graduating college but she appears not to have a brain cell in her head and is painted as a total dolt, following Christian around like some hapless puppy.

Add to that a paddling scene that looks more like a vicious beating by an abusive spouse or boyfriend and a sex scene bordering on rape.

It felt like two hours and five minutes of “torture porn” masquerading as mainstream movie-making.

At one point, Christian says: “I don’t make love…I fuck. Hard.”

I *get* dirty talk, and I’m all for it, but in the context of this movie, it sounded silly, at best, and like an excuse for engaging in misogyny at worst.

My wife and I debated the attraction of “Fifty” to women, who made up nearly two-thirds of the ticket-buyers in the movie’s opening weekend.

I don’t understand it, though there is no denying that actor Jamie Dornan is a hunka-hunk of burning love.

What I do know is that, as a man who is open-minded about sex and who likes a hot depiction of it as much as the next guy, I found this movie degrading and insulting.

There is a scene in which Christian says: “I’m 50 shades of fucked-up.”

Yep. So is this movie.

Do yourself a favor and just say “Laters, baby” to “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

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AMR 10: Fifty Shades of The Godfather

Both are hugely popular movies based on controversial bestselling novels but only one will forever be the quintessential “Guy Movie”.

While the sexual adventures of Christian and Anastasia in Fifty Shades of Grey are a big hit with female audiences around the world, the operatic tale of the Corleone Family in The Godtfather trilogy continues to fascinate men forty-plus years after the release of the first film.

I’d wager a bet that Francis Ford Coppola’s epic about a mob family and their quest to achieve the American Dream would make the Top 10 list of most men you know.

On this episode of the AMR podcast we challenge posse member Tom Delgrosso to take the ultimate Godfather Quiz. Play along and find out how well you’d do against our Godfather super-fan.

Also on the show, Chris reads selections from the book “Fifty Shades of Grey” as he and El Kaiser do their best to figure out the appeal of the BDSM phenomenon.

How is it that an appallingly bad book as offensive to women and BDSM aficionados as this one can be such a huge pop-culture happening?

The gents from About Men Radio do their entertaining best to figure that out.

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Fifty Shades of Grey and Your Sexy Movies

OK! We cry uncle! (Or perhaps more appropriately, we cry out: “Oh, Christian!”)

We here at AMR are not immune to the hype about the movie “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

We too are riveted by the billionaire with deep-seated unresolved childhood issues that compels him to act out in ways that society deems unacceptable.

But enough about Donald Trump. Let’s talk about the movie.

Simply put, it is a boffo hit.

It was expected to take in $90 million in ticket sales by this past Monday. And appearing in more than 3,600 theaters, it was the largest release for an R-rated movie in history.

Based on the sizzling best-seller by the same name (one in a trio of books), it explores taboo topics of bondage, domination and punishment as a sexual outlet.

In other words, this is not a kids’ movie, unless, of course, you could picture SpongeBob LeatherPants in thigh-high boots, wielding a riding crop. “Ooooo, Patrick! Spank my KrabbyPatties!”

Though none of us at About Men Radio have yet to see “Fifty,” that did not stop Pedro and I from commenting wildly about it in our latest podcast, due out later this week.

About Men Radio follower Lyndsay Buonforte did the see “Fifty” on Monday.

This is what she wrote:

“Fifty Shades of Grey is raunchy yet tasteful, romantic yet vulnerable, intense yet awkwardly funny, seductive yet sweet. It is not just a chick-flick. The film was brought to life with every sensation. Fifty Shades leaves the audience needing more.”

I do have plans to see it and will weigh in with my own review. In the meantime, the hoopla about “Fifty” did make us wonder what ingredients go into making a movie sexy or steamy or sultry. (Is it getting warm in here or is it just me?)

My thinking is that for a movie to leave a lasting impression as sexy, it has to sort of sneak up on you and surprise you.

It is more about building an atmosphere and tension than simply having characters parading around showing off their naughty bits (though nothing wrong with that, either).

We asked AMR followers to suggest their favorite sexy movies.

Titles ranged from “Unfaithful,” (recommended by About Men Radio contributor Richard Rodriguez and AMR follower Rahadyan Timoteo Sastrowardoyo to “The Big Easy,” which Adrianne Montgomery Reilly cited for the “best sex scene with their clothes on. Ellen Barkin, DennisQuaid.”) That movie also got a thumb up from listener Leslie Jean Thornton.

Other suggestions included “9 1/2 Weeks” (thanks, Erin DeRosa), “Last Tango In Paris” (David DeRosa), “Original Sin,” (Lindsay DiCarlo); “Body Heat,” which Roseanne Bottone cited, and “Against All Odds” (Christine Young).

As you will hear in the podcast, Pedro recommends “Y TuMamá Tambien,” and I am a fan of a flick called “Two Moon Junction,” which I was genuinely surprised to learn is tagged as “soft porn.”

One memorably sexy movie I forgot to mention is “The Fully Monty,” but hey, I am just silly that way.

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