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Mele's Musings

You Know You Are Older Than 50 When …

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An AARP columnist astutely and humorously listed 11 things you should not do when you are beyond 50.

Jell-O shots.

Trying to break a plank with your head.

Crowd surfing.

Truthfully, I am not so sure how wise any of those are at ANY age.

But it did get me thinking about getting older. So, with her column as inspiration, here are the ways I know I am north of 50:

I understand the meaning of the phrase “Film at 11…”

I recall: “It’s 10 p.m. Do you know where your children are?”

I exercise twice as hard for half the results.

I realize how little of the world I’ve seen.

I recall well a conversation from more than 30 years ago with a veteran newsman who was probably younger than I am today.

He said to me: “Chris, newspapering is a young man’s game.” At the time, I thought, “Pshaw!” But now? Hmmmm….I think I understand what he meant.

I am more aware of mortality — mine and others.

I watch a movie and say about the actors and actresses: “Oh, he’s dead.” “Yeah, him, too.” “She’s dead…”

I am aware of how little I have saved for retirement.

Turning 70 suddenly does not seem so out of reach.

Playboy removed the photos of nude women and I didn’t notice.

I have to pee when I don’t want to, and when I want to, I can’t.

I find myself saying things like “Kids today…”

I remember when spell-check was a dictionary.

True piece of dialogue among myself, my wife and two friends:

Friends: Describing how one of their daughters watches cable television shows with strong mature content.

Me: Well you have just that one TV in your living room, right? So you could monitor what she watches. Where else is she going to watch these programs?

My wife: (Turning to me with a dose of exasperation): On her computer…?

Me: Oh, yeah. Did I tell you about the rotary phone I have?

The idea of having a doughnut for breakfast repulses me and I instead embrace a bowl of oatmeal.

I can’t read in bed because the book is too heavy.

I read nutritional labels for fiber content.

When I am filling in my date of birth on a computer form, it takes longer and longer to scroll to reach my year.

I look at old photos of my parents and realize I have already eclipsed the age they were in the pictures.

I make sure to turn out the lights in a room because I remember the energy crisis of the 1970s.

I jaywalk less.

I am more aware of my balance (or lack thereof).

A nap? Why yes! I think I will take one!

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Movies

About Movies: And on That Day, a New Horror Fiend Was Born

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“Take your brother with you.”

That one line uttered by my mother absolved me from all guilt in the events that transpired on that summer weekend in 1981. It was not my fault but my brother Pablo still points the finger at me. I was forced by that order from Mom to have him come along to the double feature, at the Palace Theater in The Bronx, that I had planned to see with fellow AMR host and childhood friend Rich.

Rich and I shared a taste for the macabre. We read, traded, and re-read every Stephen King novel, Famous Monsters or Fangoria magazines plus anything we could devour that was horrific in nature and certain to provide, if not nightmares, at least a sleepless night or two.

horror_covers

By this point in time both Rich and I had watched the seminal Night of the Living Dead, originally released in 1968.  But honestly,  what self-respecting horror buff hasn’t?

That masterpiece of horror from George Romero predated another classic of the genre, The Exorcist, by five years and was the first major horror film I caught in the theater.

I was 9 years old.

Exorcist

I somehow convinced my Mom back then to take me to see what has been called, “the scariest film ever made.” And I loved it. It horrified me yet also solidified my love for the genre. And I hadn’t yet completed my first decade.

On that summer weekend Rich and I planned on taking in a horror double feature—that’s two movies for the price of one kiddies. On the bill was a slasher film, Mother’s Day and the headlining flick, Dawn of the Dead. The sequel to Night of the Living Dead was released 10 years after the original.

dawn-of-the-dead-1978-posterIn order to attract an audience of horror and not porn lovers, the movie poster and newspaper ads had the full MPAA rating as “There is no explicit sex in this picture; however, there are scenes of violence which may be considered shocking. No one under 17 will be admitted.”

No one?

Well, in the summer of 1981 I had not yet reached 17 years of age and I don’t think Rich had either. Not only were we technically sneaking ourselves in but we were attempting to smuggle someone in who was a full seven years younger than the intimidating “No one under 17 will be admitted” warning allowed.

No one batted an eye.

Rich and I stayed cool walking my baby brother in between us to our seats for the opener.

Mother’s Day was a blast of early 80s gore and hillbilly nonsense but it freaked my brother out. To his credit, he didn’t show it …much. Rich turned to him and told him, “You think that was bad, wait until you see Dawn”.

Dawn of the Dead scarred my young brother, giving him nightmares for days but Pablo went on to love the horror genre and I was wholly responsible for that. In an interview conducted outside of a horror convention, he both blames me (not Mom) and thanks me for his introduction to (and eventual love of) horror.

Bro, you’re welcome.