An AARP columnist astutely and humorously listed 11 things you should not do when you are beyond 50.
Trying to break a plank with your head.
Truthfully, I am not so sure how wise any of those are at ANY age.
But it did get me thinking about getting older. So, with her column as inspiration, here are the ways I know I am north of 50:
I understand the meaning of the phrase “Film at 11…”
I recall: “It’s 10 p.m. Do you know where your children are?”
I exercise twice as hard for half the results.
I realize how little of the world I’ve seen.
I recall well a conversation from more than 30 years ago with a veteran newsman who was probably younger than I am today.
He said to me: “Chris, newspapering is a young man’s game.” At the time, I thought, “Pshaw!” But now? Hmmmm….I think I understand what he meant.
I am more aware of mortality — mine and others.
I watch a movie and say about the actors and actresses: “Oh, he’s dead.” “Yeah, him, too.” “She’s dead…”
I am aware of how little I have saved for retirement.
Turning 70 suddenly does not seem so out of reach.
Playboy removed the photos of nude women and I didn’t notice.
I have to pee when I don’t want to, and when I want to, I can’t.
I find myself saying things like “Kids today…”
I remember when spell-check was a dictionary.
True piece of dialogue among myself, my wife and two friends:
Friends: Describing how one of their daughters watches cable television shows with strong mature content.
Me: Well you have just that one TV in your living room, right? So you could monitor what she watches. Where else is she going to watch these programs?
My wife: (Turning to me with a dose of exasperation): On her computer…?
Me: Oh, yeah. Did I tell you about the rotary phone I have?
The idea of having a doughnut for breakfast repulses me and I instead embrace a bowl of oatmeal.
I can’t read in bed because the book is too heavy.
I read nutritional labels for fiber content.
When I am filling in my date of birth on a computer form, it takes longer and longer to scroll to reach my year.
I look at old photos of my parents and realize I have already eclipsed the age they were in the pictures.
I make sure to turn out the lights in a room because I remember the energy crisis of the 1970s.
I jaywalk less.
I am more aware of my balance (or lack thereof).
A nap? Why yes! I think I will take one!
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